Post-holiday blues

This is my first "back-in-Singapore-after-a-Christmas-holiday-in-Manila". How does it feel? Surprisingly lonely. The flat feels so empty. Like the morning after a crazy party.

This is a novel experience for me. As with most people who live abroad, I do spend a significant amount of time alone. I relish this as I am a very private person. But when I came home yesterday from the airport and even despite the fact that my flat mate was home, the house felt abnormally quiet. I had just come from an action-packed Manila holiday where the house was bursting with activity and cooking. I was catching up with friends and doing brunch, lunch, merienda, dinner, and coffee just so I could see everyone that I had to see during my two week vacation. I also did not want to compromise quality time with the family so I tried to keep my weekends and other free time for them. It still wasn't enough.

On my first night back in Singapore, after watching "Chronicles of Narnia" with the flatmate, I was in bed, reading my books, and missing my sisters terribly! I miss their arguments and making up. On Sunday night, we put the beds together and had a "slumber party" to celebrate my last night in Manila. My sisters even joined me (for the first time ever) in my yearly Christmas charity project. The fact that they said yes (first time in 3 years) was a miracle in itself.

The transition to "normal" food is also heart-breaking. On my first week back in Manila, I had crispy pata three times! Shall I give you a run down of my two week holiday? Lengua, paella, corned beef sinigang, Aristocrat bbq chicken, my mom's callos and morcon, her fabulous lasagna, sashimi and wine, prawns, potato salad, kanduli sa gata, fried catfish, red eggs, dinuguan at puto, palabok, chorizo de bilbao.... I want to cry. On my first day back in Singapore, I was microwaving leftover chicken and fried rice. Waaaahhh!

The holidays were so hectic that I did not have any real time to do my journal or think of any resolutions. I did have a lovely chilled out Sunday afternoon at M Cafe (lovely place in Greenbelt near the Ayala Museum) with two friends where I finally had to come up with a resolution as it was the topic of the day. Over Pastillas de leche cheesecake and Choc-Nut Chocolate Cake (to die for!), I realized that my goal for 2006 is to question my truths. Okay, sugar overload aside, but I wanted to question things that I had taken for granted as true. Over the past year, I had inadvertently discovered things about myself. I have vowed to be more self-aware in 2006, and actively question my truths.

There is nothing like being home with family and friends for Christmas. I'm going to wallow in my post-holiday blues for one more night. But after this, I know I'll be appreciating being back in Singapore. I do recognise that I have the best of both worlds: having Manila to come back to for the holidays, but living independently in a safer environment where I have grown so much. I've changed but so has Manila. I've moved on, and so have my friends. While it is great to reconnect and reminisce (as most people who haven't seen each other in ages are expected to do). It is even more surprising to reconnect in a different way with significant people in your past. Hay, life is truly one surprise after another.

And a postscript....this is to apologise for being an ass on New Year's day. You know who you are....Let me know when you've forgiven me.

And a post-post script. Thank you to everyone who has enriched my prata princess journey. To my crazy flatmate who puts up with my insults, to my Biblia-mates who put up with my insanity, to old friends in Manila who have held my hand and cheered me on as I tried to find my place in the sun, and to the friends I have made in sizzling Singapore.